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Last year in may I started my weight loss journey. Let me just say I was very successful too. I was well on my way to reaching my goals. Then I started college. It wasn’t bad or as easy as I thought it would be. So I was doing good and just as I was getting in the habbit of going to school and in my first semester of school I fouund out I was also pregnant. Wow! My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant but it hadn’t happend but now when I had finally decided to go to school it happens… in my first semester! But I was still ok. I felt great, my grades were good and I was determined to make everything work. So my first semester ended and everything was great. I finally started telling people I was pregnant and I got the same response from everyone.. Are you crazy?!?! No I wasn’t. I was perfectly happy and perfectly positive. My doctor was even skeptical at first. Well my summer semester started and this is when it all went down hill for me. In my first week of school I got a parking ticket locked my keys in my car and that first weekend after school started was the very first weekend I had ever left my husband and two other daughters alone. I had to go out of town about four hours away for my office. When I returned home on Sunday I felt really tired and thought it was the whole pregnancy thing, by monday I started felling really bad, then Tuesday I went to the doctor. I was miscarrying. This was the worst moment in my life! I have never felt so hopeless in my life. Finally talking about right now all my emotions are flooding my heart. On november tenth, my birthday, it will be five months since this horrible day. But even worse I have gained fifty pounds in these five months just as though I would be pregnant and now I am finally ready to say enough is enough. I want to loose this weight. It’s been over a year since I have been on this site but I ready to start fresh today and start feeling better. 

Five months and five days ago I was fifty pounds heavier! Today I hit my fifty pounds of weight LOSS. It’s a great feeling but not as good as I thought it would be. The fifty pounds heavier me would have been ready to go out and celebrate and treat myself. This me is ready it make my workouts more intense and tweek my meal plans so I can reach my goal weight a little faster!! I think I will have a greater sastifaction when I reach my mini goal which is coming after I lose thirty more pounds. I can’t wait till that happens.

Well back to work I just wanted to share my news!

Today was just the worst day ever. I had a horrible day at work. The accountant at my office was on a power trip and got on my neveres really really bad. He made my day so horrible. I didn’t even take a lunch break. I didn’t get to go weigh in or anything. I didn’t even take a break.

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Then my husband called from offshore and he could tell I was really angry and very busy so he asked me what was wrong. Well I started to tell him my story and I was so mad that I started CRYING!!! Oh that just made me even more mad! I never cry unless it’s that TOM and it’s not or if I’m watching a really sad movie or something like that. But I hardly every cry. Anyway, my husband tells me to stop my crying. No sympathy whatsoever. He doesn’t tell me to it’ll be alright, tomorrow’s another day, nothing. When he has a bad day or whatever I always sit there and listen to every word he says. I never tell him to suck up and get on with it. Maybe I will now.

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Then I pick up my girls and you’ll never guess what they start doing as soon as we get in the vehicle… FIGHTING, right away! Just to top it off!!!We get home and they still fight. Sometimes like yesterday they play soooooo good and then we have days like this when it’s bad it’s really bad.

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When I get home I change as fast as I can and I started turbo jam cardio workout tape. It’s 45 minutes long. I think oh yeah  the only thing I’ve eaten all day is a cup of red grapes at 8:00 this morning how am I ever goin to get through this? So I start it and I put everything thing I have into it. And I have to tell you that’s probablly the best workout I’ve ever had.

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So I won’t know until Monday how much weight I’ve lost but hopefully it will be alot. Especially if I keep having workouts like the one I had the evening!

Today I went to get weighed and I have lost another three pounds. Now I have lost a total of 22 pounds.

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This weekend was so crazy I never thought I was going to loose weight. My little brother was home and he kept me and my husband very busy this weekend.

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Friday my mom needed me to help he cook, so as soon as I got off work and picked up the girls I went over there. My brother wanted to go out but me and my husband really didn

I just got back from the doctor

Yesterday my little brother came in to visit. He has to go overseas in fourteen days so he got to come home before he had to leave. When he got in he called and asked me if me and my husband wanted to go with him, our older brother and our dad to his favorite restaurant. Usually when family gets in I get off work, get the kids, go change, and head over to my parent

Today is a crazy day. Kirby is coming home to visit and mom is in Derridder so I am trying to plan everything for her. She wants crawfish for him and she wants to do a ham but only when Martin is off and can come. Plus she isn’t home tonight so I have to make sure he’s ok tonight. Just a little hectic I guess. I keep wondering if he’ll notice that I ‘ve lost any weight. He’s bringing home his ity bity girlfriend who  I am not very happy with right now, and I wonder if she’ll notice. Anyway, Barron called Donovan this morning and he was at work and I was at work so of course I didn’t get to talk to him. I miss him like crazy!! I was tolking to mom telling her if would let us know when he’s coming home we could have a big thing for him at the airport. Oh it would be sooooo cool. Barron home from Iraq! I can’t wait but he’s not suposed to be home until December. I told mom I hope that he doesn’t even recognize me! How greta would that be.

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Well, on diet stuff, I think I have done very well this week. I’ve been eating right and exercising alot. I go tomorrow to get a shot and I wanted to loose four pounds over the weekend but I only lost two so I hope I lost at least three between the two visits. I’m really trying hard so I can reach that goal. I need to stay focused and take time out for me because when the boys come in  or when Yettie comes I never make any time for me. I stay at mom and dad’s house all the time to visit with them. I need to plant it in my head that I have to exercise and stay focused while they are here!

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 Well, tomorrow I’ll know if I’ve lost anything!

Today is exactlty four weeks since I started trying to loose my weight. Well, I went to the doctor and Ilost another two pounds. This makes 18 pound that I’ve lost in four weeks. I was really hoping for twenty but I knew after this past weekend there was no way! You should have seen the doctor’s face. She was so happy when she saw how much weight I’d lost. I guess that’s a good thing! I wish I was done with loosing weight and at the end of my battle but I know it’s just beginnig. I’m starting to get excited about the end of the year now. Hopefully I will be there by then. I just can’t wait to actually feel beautiful. My baby brother should be coming home from Iraq around Christmas time and I hope he doesn’t recognize me. That would be the best Christmas present for me. And I just want to be amazingly beautiful for my husband. I used to not be ashamed to go out with him and now I am and it’s really doing a lot to my self-esteem. This weekend one of my friends said that she could really tell a difference in my weight but said I seemed so ashamed and I guess I do. Only because I’m trying to loose weight and if I quit and give up or fail or whatever everybody will know. I just want to stayed locked up in the house till this is done!My husband is really trying to make me feel good. He keeps complimenting me. I have this thing about people watching me exercise ( I hate it and it totally embarrasses me) so he will go for a ride in the afternoon after I get off work so I can exercise and I think that is so sweet. I don’t really need a lot of support on the exercising part because I want to do it because I know the benefits. But I wish I could get up in the morning and do it too. Maybe I will get to that. My problem is I love food. All of it. And just figuring out that I don’t have to have it is depressing me. Isn’t that sad. But I really am learning I don’t need to be full and I don’t have to eat every time I think I feel hungry. So slowly but surely I’m coming along too. I hope I can get all the way.

I usually go weigh in on Mondays but tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment so I’m going to wait.

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I wish I could so I was excited about it but I’m not. I know I didn’t do very good this weekend because I was mad Friday and hurt Saturday and bored Sunday. Sounds like I’ve made theese excuses before. I was doing so good at the beginnig and now that I’ve actually lost wait for the first time in so many years I want to slack off. But now that I’m actually writing this I’m going to get focused again.

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My husband and I went out together Saturday night. It was one of his friend’s birthday and he’s going through a divorce so he’s been down and we went to his thing. Everyone was drinking except me. And then everyone was asking about my parents house that just recenly burned and that really brought me down and just made me want a drink even more, but I din’t. I was proud that I didn’t give in. And we didn’t even have our kids so I there wasn’t any reason for me not to drink (I usually try never to drink around our girls) but I didn’t take one sip! Maybe when I hit my mini goal I’ll reward myself but then I may even choose an ice cold pepsi over an acoholic drink,lol!

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I’m so glad it Friday, but I don’t want it to be the weekend. I have mixed feelings. I’m anxious about Monday I want to see how much weight I’ve lost since Thursday but I don’t want to go thru the weekend! I’m really upset but strangely not eating everything in sight! I’m having an awful day and I don’t think it’s going to get better. I had an argument with my best friend and that doesn’ t make anything better. It’s been horrible today at work but that’s why I’m happy it’s Friday after today off for the weekend!